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Lesson 2

Mom and/or Dad?

Granny always says that for the girls the most important thing is to marry and have children. Girls should not wait a lot, because it will be more difficult to get married later. When I ask her "What about uncle Vlado - he is not married and he is over 40 already?" she only shrugs her shoulders and says "Well, it is not so vital for the boys, they could marry whenever they want."

I really can't understand adults sometimes - how can that be important for the girls while for the boys - not?

Lilly is right - I have also heard my Mom telling my sister over and over telling that she's already 25 and it's high time to get married with her boyfriend and "set up their home". And my sister answers "Does the wedding make the family?" which usually drives Mom crazy.

WHAT EXACTLY IS THE FAMILY?

They often say that the family consiss of a mother, a father and children - usually two. Well, is it always like that in real life? In some families, due to different reasons, the role of the father and the mother is taken by only oneof the parents. In others the mothers are much busier at work than the fathers, so they have to take more care for the children. Does this mean that in these families people do not live well?

Today,we can see many different types of families - and they have fewer or more members (grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles, aunts and so on). Whether this group of people could be called "a family" depends on if they love and care for each other and if they share "weal and woe" together,duties and responsibilities.

The family is a group of people linked among themselves not only because they are related but also because they feel love, concern and respect to each other.

What do you think a family is? Check your answers in our funny TEST.

However, men and women are born equal in dignity and rights and this equality shall start from the family. This implies that each member of the family has the same responsibilities in growing up children and in doing jobs within the family. Do you agree?

WHO DOES WHAT AT HOME?

In the family each member plays an important role and has not only rights but duties as well.

People still think that each member of the family is expected to do what he or she was "born for", and this very much depends whether you are a man or a woman. It is often considered that the father is the head of the family and according to that role he is expected to work and make money, take responsibilities and all the important decisions, while the mother is the angel of the home. She has to clean the house, cook and wash, to care for the childrn and her husband, and if there is an elderly or a sick member of the family, they are again her duty.Why only her? Because women are supposed to be "better" in that.

Moreover, women do only their "women's job" - clean, cook, wash, sew and knit - things that are not "appropriate" for a man t do. On the other hand women don't even change the fused bulb because this is "men's job". As if all these things are dangerous for the health of the other sex!

In fact, these are all gender STEREOTYPES and if we stick to them, we differ very little from the primitive tribes. Don't you believe? Read the text HERE.

Yes, there are women who prefer to be housewives and not to go work. But more women today work like their husbands and often bring more money at home. Why should they do all the chores as well?

Isn't it farer to distribute the duties at home in such a way that all family members to have free time as well, which they can spend tgether or enjoy themselves with things they find interesting? Men and women, boys and girls have equal rights and this equality should start from the family. Which means that all family members should have equal responsibilities for the kids and the housework.

Nowadays life has changed a lot and we should not make such strict division of male and female jobs. All jobs are equally good and respectable. Housework and cleaning could be done by the girls as well as by the boys. It is not fair to leave it only to our mothers, sisters and grandmothers as they are busy with work or study just like our fathers, brothers and grandfathers.

What's it like in your family? Do divide the housework, do you care for each other or you have left everything to your mom? You can check by doing a simple experiment HERE.

Relationships in the family play a very important role in our lives. We learn from our parents how to behave with other people and later we reproduce it in other situations in our lives.

How we'll communicate with other people, with our future partners, husbands or wives and children, depends on what we've learnt in our family, but we mustn't forget that finally everything is up to us.

This training module on gender equality for school students is developed under the project "Equal at School - Equal in Life", financed by the European Youth Foundation to the Council of Europe in the framework of the "All Different, All Equal" European Youth Campaign for Diversity, Human Rights and Participation; the Directorate on Culture and Education of Sofia Municipality and CWSP's own resources.

TEST for fun

TEST 2: What do you think a family is? What are the roles of its members?

1. Your mum is asking your help to do the dishes and to set the table. You’ll refuse because this is a job for women and you are already a young man.	Yes	No
2. Your dad asks you to help him to repair the car. You don’t help him because it is a men’s work and are already a young lady.	Yes	No
3. The good parent satisfies all their children’s wishes.	Yes	No
4. Children should live with their mother and father – otherwise they won’t learn how men and women should behave.	Yes	No
5. Only children who live with their mother and father can be happy.	Yes	No
6. Only the father is the “bread winner” – he earns the money.	Yes	No
7. The father is the most important member of the family – he earns the money and, therefore, should take the important decisions.	Yes	No
8. The mother is the most important member of the family because she knows better how to bring up the children.	Yes	No
9. It is the wives who should keep the family together.	Yes	No
Send

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Did you know that...

The stereotypes for "male" and "female" work are as old as the world.

In the past on the Samoa Islands in the Pacific Ocean there was a superstition that a man doing a female job will loose his power and courage forever and will never be able even to lift his pike nor his mace made of shark's teethes. North American Indians believed that the most shameful punishment for a man who has shown fear on the battlefield is to make him working with the women dressed in female cloths. (Examples are selected form the book of Harry Janes „Boy and girl", Sofia 1988)

What are men and women doing today at home? From the e-mails of your friends Danny and Lilly you can see how the tasks in their families are divided.

Which of the two families do most families today resemble? Give arguments for your opinion. What about your family - do you also take part in the chores and help? Share your opinion on the familiar address: e-school@cwsp.bg.

28 July 2007

Hi Lilly,

How are you? We are at the seaside - mom, dad and me. My sister and her boyfriend came last night and are staying next to us. The weather and the place are so nice! We rented an apartment with a beautiful view to the sea.

I'll tell you about our typical day. We usually wake up around 9-9.30. Mom usually wakes up half an hour before us to prepare the breakfast and then wakes us up. We have breakfast all together, before going to the seaside. While we are finishing our breakfast Mom usually prepares sandwiches to bring with us to the seaside for lunch. She puts everything in a refrigerating bag, together with water, dishes and glasses. We usually spend at the seaside all the morning long. We spend the entire afternoon at the beach as well and we usually come back to our flat around 17.30. After getting our place, Dad is usually the first one to have a shower, followed by me. While we are taking a shower, Mom is preparing a delicious dinner for all of us. If I offer her some help she sends me back to Dad to have our "men's talks" and spend more time together.

After dinner, Mom clears the table and washes the dishes, while me and Dad are watching TV or prepare ourselves for a walk. Mom and Dad usually have a quarrel about going out. Mom very often doesn't want to come with us because she is tired and she prefers to take a shower and go to sleep. I don't mind if she stays at home but Dad gets angry for that because he doesn't want to go for a walk without being accompanied by his wife. He always insists very much and in the end Mom comes with us.

All the rest is just great. What about you? How is your holiday?

Danny

29 July 2007

Hi Danny,

I'm fine too. Unfortunately our seaside holiday is over and now we just talk about the fun we had together. Mom and Dad are back to work. Every morning they get up together and prepare their breakfast and coffee. Sometimes Mom is ironing the clothes, sometimes dad does the breakfast for all of us or vice versus. Most often I prepare the breakfast alone, because I get up to say them good bye.

You know when I am not in a holiday my Mom drives me to school. Dad comes back home for lunch because he works close to home. We prepare together something for eating. This is my favorite time, because Dad always tells me interesting things about his work or brings me some new cinema magazines. When we finish the lunch, dad washes the dishes and I help him to clean the table. Only when grandma comes to see us she is always surprised to see my dad washing the dishes because she thinks this is a women's job, but nobody pays attention to her remarks... In the evening we all together clear the table and one of us washes the dishes. Sometimes, when Mom and Dad finish with the household chores they sit and watch television, but they are so tired and often fall asleep. Poor Mom and Dad! I make them breakfast and coffee at the weekends and I help them to clean the house.

So this is I do now. Call me when you come back to have a chat. All my best:

Lilly

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Brain-exercising

YOUR OPINION MATTERS - ALWAYS EXPRESS IT!

TASK: Observe carefully your family for one week. Try to calculate how the adults and the childrem, living together in your family (in one household) divstribute their time.

Make a simple table for every day of the week like this below. Use the same frame to calculate the results for the whole week.

Hours on Monday for	Mommy	Daddy	Granny	Grandpa	Sister Brother	......	Me
Work/study
Cleaning, washing, cooking
Small repair works in the house and/or in the car
Cares or for children
Rest - television, books, cinema, hobby, meetings with friends.
Sleep

Congratulations - you've just done your first sociological survey called "time budget".

What do you think - is the distribution of family duties just? Share your observations through the quick response window or in the next discussion in class.

If you need help for your sociological survey, write at the familiar address: e-school@cwsp.bg.

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